I am sitting in mass today and I see this
sweet little girl with long brunette hair.
She had a little pink bow on top of her head.
She had on a little pair
of jeans, baby pink top and the cutest little
sequined ballet shoes. She had was so precious
as she hugged up a little stuffed animal in one
arm and her moms hand in the other. She was
probably about three years old and was so
good in Mass. Never got rowdy or antsy
as some little youngins do. Then I look over
to the left and I see another little cutie pie
sitting in her seat. She had on the cutest little
navy jumper and white tights, patent leather shoes.
She would eat on a cracker or she would thumb through
the hymnal or she would move around her seat. Little
innocent eyes checking out all the people around her.
So cute. And then I would see her daddy pick her up
and love on her.
It's little moments like that that I sit and
wonder what it would be like to have a child's
love? What would it be like to have a child that
was from my flesh and blood? Am I missing out?
By not actively trying to conceive a child am I
going to regret it on down the road?
They say we have a biological time clock and mine
is ticking away. We are not supposed to live with
regret but what about decisions we make today,
how do we know that we might or
might not regret those decisions?
Having a child is HUGE. The responsiblity of it
ALL is really something hard for me to fathom
especially when I really have not been around
alot of babies or children.
I know the pros and the cons. Or atleast
I know some of them. It's just
this wondering that is getting to me.
What if? Do I want another what if?