This is my little Jerusalem Stone.
Quarried, obviously, in Jerusalem.
It is a little keepsake that I have
on my desk at home.
I like what it says
"Let go, Let God".
I just wish I could really let go
and Let God.
That has definitely been my problem.
Things, for the moment, are looking
better. I keep telling myself what is
the use in worrying? I am only hurting
myself. Of course, it easier to say that
when I am not worrying as I was.
I got to keep the faith.

"Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety,
or by the handle of faith."
~Author Unknown

and now I interupt this depressing blog
of mine to post a picture of my beautiful
Valentine flowers and me smiling!
Yes, ladies and gentleman, I can still
conjure up a smile!

And by the way, thanx for listening
and your words of encouragement.

I appreciate it more than you know!

When it rains,
it freakin' poors!

I don't mean to wallow in pity.
It just seems that I am going
thru a bad spell right now.
It sucks.
I want to cuss.
I want to scream.
Maybe I should throw something.
Unfair.
WTF?
None the above helps.
My bad mood continues.
My bad luck is not breaking.
I try to think about good,
positive happy thoughts
but then BOOM! something
more shittier happens!

Is shittier a word?
Ha!
There I laughed.

still feeling quite crappy
full of anxiety
full of dread
second guessing myself
questioning everything
I feel stressed......still
can't seem to shake this
and I hate it

I want to be joyous, happy,
inspired Blessed
not the paranoid, freaked out
girl that I am right now

I am overwhelmed
I am scared
I feel myself losing faith

I am tired of thinking
and WORRYING

Make it go away

FOR BOB and NANCY and those who
have lost a loved one.
I thought this was special.






A Dog's Purpose, (from a 6-year-old)

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish
Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their
little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were
hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we
couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia
procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be
good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as
though Shane might learn something from the experience

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family
surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last
time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few
minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any
difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's
death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter
than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I
know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned
me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life
-- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The
six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they
don't have to stay as long."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

* When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

* Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

* Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
ecstasy.

* Take naps.

* Stretch before rising.

* Run, romp, and play daily.

* Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

* On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

* On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

* When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

* Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

* Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

* Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

* If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

* When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle
them gently.

glitter-graphics.com

Sorry if I seem to not be myself.
I really don't feel that I have been.
I guess the stress started coming out on
my blog on my 1/15/08 post.
I know I must sound like a broken record.
I just can't seem to shake this frustration.
Hence, the nice graphic to begin this post!
Surely, the stress is gonna ease, or better
yet cease.

Key factors to my stress right now:

1) They hired someone in my office
that I use to work with at my old job.
I have issues with this person. This
person also has brought back bad memories
of what I got away from. It's like a wound
re-opened. The scab just scraped back open
and left to heal again once the oozing stops.
(By the way, I should take the time to write
a whole blog post on my issues with this person
just to get your opinion)

2) This class I was in and happily
ended tonight, had an excessive workload/
assignments. For a few moments I contemplated
what have I got myself into? The facilatator
did not help this situation.
Even tho this class officially ended tonight
I still have one assignment due to turn in
by Friday and I am very confused on how to do
it correctly AND I do not know where I stand
in this class since I was doing poorly on
the quizzes. The teacher only gave us one
assignment back (which I will admit I failed)
in all the numerous assignments!!!

3)Their is an issue within my famiily
that I don't feel like divulging that
has just broke my heart to pieces. I
am hurting so badly for these family
members. When I think about the
situation I understand and then I don't.
Bottom line I am hurting for them and
feel so helpless to them. I want to help
but I can't.

4)I am going to this conference on
Saturday in another town about an hour
away. I don't know this town. I am
nervous about the topic. I have to
be on my "A" game and be very attentive
to the subject. I want this to reflect
on me positively in my workplace.
You know, be a team player, lookin' out
for the company, knowledgeable, but
I am so freakin' tired and I'm gonna
miss my neices's b-day party!!!!!!
Best part of all, I am taking off
some of the burden by going up on
Friday night so I won't have to
get up before the crack of dawn to drive
to someplace I don't know but guess
who I am splitting the cost and sharing
the room with??????
Yep, the person mentioned in #1.

The underdog prevailed!!!!!!!!!
Very happy about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart is broken.
Tears fill my eyes.
My mind can't get over this.
My stomach is sick.
My thoughts rack my brain.
My head aches.
I feel so helpless
I feel there is nothing really
I can physically do.
I pray, I think too much.
All these questions, images,
and tangled thoughts wrestle
in my brain. I try to think
of other things but my mind
just races back to those
thoughts again. I feel as if
I could explode. I feel myself
gritting my teeth and if I can't
seem to get enough air.
I feel as if I have been punched
in the gut and my heart has
been torn from my body. I feel
like throwing up as if that will
purge this awfulness from my body.
I am not in shock just
disbelief. I am so disappointed,
angry, sick, depressed, disillusioned
distressed and sad.
This whole terrible thing just
consumes me. I try to sleep, finally
my mind so tired lets go only
to wake in a panic, no it's not
a bad dream it's reality.
This is not something that is happening
directly to me, even though it is
hurting me. Can't imagine all the
emotions this is directly effecting those
who are really suffering through this.
However, this is me feeling
the pain, devastation, disappointment,
shock, anger, and utter sadness of
people I am close to.
I don't want this to be happening.
I want to turn back time.
I want decisions to not have been made.
It as though maybe because of me feeling this way,
maybe, just maybe I can take some of
their pain away.
I pray with every ounce of my being it can get better.
I still have hope.
I will never give up believing that real love
can conquer all.
It doesn't erase the hurt, scars will remain,
but this love will hopefully carry them thru.




Hoobastank "The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you