My heart is broken.
Tears fill my eyes.
My mind can't get over this.
My stomach is sick.
My thoughts rack my brain.
My head aches.
I feel so helpless
I feel there is nothing really
I can physically do.
I pray, I think too much.
All these questions, images,
and tangled thoughts wrestle
in my brain. I try to think
of other things but my mind
just races back to those
thoughts again. I feel as if
I could explode. I feel myself
gritting my teeth and if I can't
seem to get enough air.
I feel as if I have been punched
in the gut and my heart has
been torn from my body. I feel
like throwing up as if that will
purge this awfulness from my body.
I am not in shock just
disbelief. I am so disappointed,
angry, sick, depressed, disillusioned
distressed and sad.
This whole terrible thing just
consumes me. I try to sleep, finally
my mind so tired lets go only
to wake in a panic, no it's not
a bad dream it's reality.
This is not something that is happening
directly to me, even though it is
hurting me. Can't imagine all the
emotions this is directly effecting those
who are really suffering through this.
However, this is me feeling
the pain, devastation, disappointment,
shock, anger, and utter sadness of
people I am close to.
I don't want this to be happening.
I want to turn back time.
I want decisions to not have been made.
It as though maybe because of me feeling this way,
maybe, just maybe I can take some of
their pain away.
I pray with every ounce of my being it can get better.
I still have hope.
I will never give up believing that real love
can conquer all.
It doesn't erase the hurt, scars will remain,
but this love will hopefully carry them thru.




Hoobastank "The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you