So I find myself torn.
Went out last night, had a few drinks and a salad. Then on to a bar where I proceded to have a couple more drinks. Hung out with fun people. Danced. Cut up. Laughed. I did have fun.
But (here comes the "but") again it always revolves around drinking. Always. It gets so old. Yet I do it. What else would I do? Stay home,watch TV? Stay home, read a book? Stay home, surf the net?
I get so mad at myself for giving in when I really want something else
fun to do. Not much in this town to do. Go shopping, spend money.
Go to the movies. Not much into going to movies. Play a sport. What sport could I play with whom? Everybody usually wants to go out drinking. I don't want to stay home and be a hermit. I don't always want to feel that I got to go out by myself to do something else (whatever something else is?!!!)
And on top of this, I really have been going to church more, getting involved. And yet here I am out at a bar drinking. I'm Catholic. Drinking isn't frowned upon. I'm not out getting hammered. I don't feel that I'm acting inappropriate BUT (here comes the "but" again!), I feel guilty.
I feel that I'm not living my life as I should. I'm not trying to be "holier than thou". I know I'm "allowed" to go out and have fun but I feel that I'm being a little bit of a hyporcrit to what I truly believe.
So again, I'm torn.
I don't want to go out and get this whole new group of friends that want to sit around on a Friday and do a bible study. Or maybe I would. That does sound more entertaining to me right now. I have a strong desire to know more about the bible, scripture, my faith, liturgy, prayer, etc. Okay so I don't want to drop my old friends who are so such wonderful, caring, loving people. I just don't feel that we are on the same page right now.
I don't feel that I'm on the same page with alot of people right now.
I'm torn. I'm torn between what I want, what I think I need and what I'm doing.
Friendly comments appreciated.
About Me
- Name: Blessed
- Location: Kentucky, United States
♥ I belive in God and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I don't consider myself religious but I am very spiritual. I believe that God is closer to us than our own spirit.♥ I am a sinner. I am a saint. I am a work in progress. I try to be good, do good but I do stray from the path from time to time.♥ I try to be positive and sometimes it is quite difficult. I still keep trying, believing, hoping, dreaming.♥ I believe in smiling; Looking people in the eyes. I have a big ole heart. I care.♥ I am a worrier, goofball, romantic, a lover of animal, veteran and nature causes.♥ I believe in treating others with respect and dignity, having faith, rooting for the underdog, doing onto others as you want done onto yourself, telling the truth, being kind, supporting and encouraging, standing up for what I believe and value, having a sense of humor, being thankful being accountable, committed and recognizing limitations.♥ I strive to keep learning and growing.♥ I try not to judge but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sometimes judgemental. I try to have an open mind and love all for who they are to me.♥
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A FAVORITE POEM:
A Mermaid's Love
The sea is calling me, but only for a time, a time to return to thee and thy love divine. I swim out among waves, through the rocks the and great caves, thinking only of thee my love... Although we are from different worlds it never could be wrong, for thou knowest I will return, singing the mermaid's song... The clams, oysters, whales know it to be true, that all is love and all my love I only give to you... So come to me, oh sailor on the land, come with me and gently take my hand... For I will love you always, and always is as long as the sea meets the sand..
--Ocean Carol
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Mommywood
By Tori Spelling
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No reason why you can't hang out with one group of friends one night and another group of friends on the other :)
I know, I know. I must have will power to not go for the alchol and go for the water or the coca cola.
I just get to yappin' and that cosmopolitan goes down way too good and then someone buys a round...and then another round and then another (I have some generous friends!)I have gone out ALOT and drank only one or two (at the most) and then there are times when I have gone out and forced myself to drink to tolerate the company I was with. Alcohol made it a little easier. Stupid I know but I have done it.
I just want to be in some situations with people that alcohol isn't around and isn't a factor. That's why I need to make MORE friends that are like minded, and/or are shootin' for the same goals. Most my friends like to go out and get wild. Not that there is nothing wrong with that. I usually go and give into temptation instead of staying home.