Just throw your hands in the air
and wave around like you just don't care......

Hi all!
I am sitting here very happy.
Today was a good day.
A good beginning.
I felt needed. I felt challenged.
I felt nervous but I felt good.
I hope to make a difference.
I look forward to tomorrow.
By the way, since I have a new
job I thought I would change my
hair. So I'm blonde again.
A honey blonde.
Blondes have more fun.
Or atleast this blonde does!
Ha!













Thank you for all your positive comments.
It sure has made me feel better.

Yes I do believe there IS light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!!!!


"You can close the windows and darken your room, and you can open the windows and let light in. It is a matter of choice. Your mind is your room. Do you darken it or do you fill it with light?" -Author unknown

I am trying to be positive. Bare with me.

Today was a gray overcast day.
The sky looked like how I felt.
I had the best intentions to be
strong and not some pile of mush
but I fell apart. Not for long.
I got myself back together.
I thought to myself I'll go have
a beer. I cranked up my CD player
with some rockin' music and ended
up driving home as it was raining.
The sky let loose. Just like I had.
I got home and went to bed.
I feel exhausted but I am up now.
Hopefully, my mood will improve
as I concentrate on being positive.
Hopefully this sadness I feel will
slowly fade.........
time to turn the page.

Tomorrow is the last day.
I am feeling blah right now.
I am ready for it to be over.
I finally brought the last box
of my stuff home today.
By the way, there were only 2
boxes of crap.
Today I asked about if I will
paid for the 13 days of vacation
and personal time I had left.
I was told I would only be paid
for the 8 days of vacation.
I don't think that is really fair
since I feel I earned those 13 days
but I guess I will take what I get.
Infact, I asked if I could take
1/2 of a personal day tomorrow.
Ha! I thought that was funny.
Since you are not going to give me
my 5 personal days then I'll just
take a 1/2 of one tomorrow afternoon.
That way tomorrow's last day of work
at the my 'old' job will be over
quicker.

I was going back and re-reading my blog posts
as I sometimes do and I came upon my
6/8/07 post and saw this question:

12. Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what’s in it?

My answer:

No.....so nothing.
I have nothing to hide

I have to say that was a lie.

I do have a super-secret hiding place
and that is my mind!

I have so many secrets stored there.
Some I have shared. Some I have not.
Some things that only my priest knows.
Some things that I'm not ready to
share. Some things I'm not ready to
repent. Some things that I just don't
trust anyone to know. Some things I
just know are better kept to myself.

I do have trust issues.
So much I want to share and just
feel I can't.
I always feel that some of the big
stuff that I have shared is like
a ticking time bomb ready to explode
in my face. Some things that I have
divulged could definitely hurt me,and/or
embarass me and could hurt,anger
and/or embarrass others.

I wish so badly that I had someone
that I could tell everything to.
Some that I trusted to never use
anything against me or just someone
I could KNOW that they would take
certain things to their grave.

Does that kind of person exist?
Or must my mind always be locked
up tight?

As I mentioned before, in some previous post,
I resigned from my job. A job that I have
loved and hated. A job that I have been with
for eight years.
I gave them a three week notice.
I have one more week to go.
I have found myself at times thru the
past two weeks marking off my calender
as if I was in prison and I "X" off the days.
I do have another job that I am
very excited to have.
A new job with new opportunities
and challenges. I feel I really need
that for I feel I have been in a rut
for far too long.
I am full of emotion right now.
I am sad to be leaving my 'old' job
but I felt that I must take a risk
and leave. I didn't feel things were
going right so I felt this was the
right moment to take a chance.
Spread my wings. Test my abilities.
Also, I am a bit bitter because I feel that
I have been through alot at my 'old' job
and was treated unfairly in alot of ways.
I feel melancholy since as I have mentioned
I have been there a fairly long time. It's
like leaving a relationship.
I keep thinking about how I have been married
for almost nine years and I have worked there
for eight years.
I do have some really loving friends that have I worked with.
They have been there for me thru so much more than
just work, but life's trials and tribulations.
I do hope that we remain friends once I am gone.
I also find myself wondering if I will be missed.
I do feel I was such a true part of 'the team',
of this office for so long, thru many changes of
policy, job descriptions, and employees and then
there were the times that I felt like an outsider.
I feel I am going thru a big life change right now.
I sometimes think I'm in denial, that in one
week it will truly be over. Am I truly grasping that
it will be no more?
Am I in shock? This is really happening?!
I leave my 'old' job on Friday, June 22nd.
Start the new job Monday, June 25th.
There is part of me that is worrying about
how I am harboring some anger and bitterness
and I got to let that go. I must not take
that with me to the new place.
It is a fresh slate where I hope that I learn
and grow. I was feeling quite stagnate in the
'old' job.
There is part of me that wishes I had taken
a break between jobs but it's too late now.
I must only take the weekend in between to
pump myself full of positiviy to start anew.

"Trying to control life is like
trying to control the ocean.
The best you can hope for
is to move with it,
catch hints of the rhythm
and not get caught in the
undertow"
--Austin

Saw this over at Ed's so I took it and put in my own answers....of course.

1. Should guys wear pink?

Yes.

2. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?

Closed but I have peeked.

3. What is the first "non-physical" feature you tend to notice about a person you find attractive?

Charisma.

4. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?

Why yes.

5. Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex?

Okay, I'm gonna plead the fifth on this one.......okay, I'd rather
have amazing sex!

6. What’s in your wallet?

Money, credit cards, prayer cards, receipts, pictures, checks,
coupons

7. What’s under your bed?

carpet

8. What’s on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet?

Boxes, Christmas decorations, clothes, posters, hats, shoes, etc.

9. What’s in your underwear drawer?

Underwear, bras

10. What’s in the trunk of your car?

board games, miscellaneous papers, church bulletins, emergency kit,
first aid kit, etc

11. What color is the underwear you’re wearing at this moment?

white

12. Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what’s in it?

No.....so nothing.
I have nothing to hide.

13. Do you feel guilty about something right now, if yes, what?

Goodness! I'm Miss Guilt Prone. I'm always feeling guilty about something!!!
How do I narrow it down?

14. What is your last thought before you fall asleep?

This various from night to night. It's usally the days events, the worries of the days or the worries of what's to come or whatever I'm watching on TV or whatever I was reading....all this replaying in my head till I finally fall asleep from my exhaustive thinking!!

15. How long have those leftovers been in your fridge?

No left overs right now but I've seen left overs remain for a month.

16. Do you sleep with anything?

Nope. Just covers.

17. Who is the last person you had lustful thoughts about that didn’t know?

Are you kiddning me??? Like I'm gonna divulge that here! Ha!

18. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Happy, healthy and with more faith

19. What do you most want to be remembered for?

A good heart and genuiness to be REAL!!!!


20. What do you think is the most attractive part of a man;s body?

Well, I'm gonna have to say hands. Gotta have nice hands!

Okay, so I haven't been able to eat
and I haven't been able to sleep.
I have been filled with worry.
I have been down and full of stress.
All this over a job.
A job that I have had for 8 years.
Life is too short!
So I gave them my resignation on Friday.
So here's to bigger and better things!!
Time to explore new opportunities.
Onwards and upwards!
Time for a change!!!
Hence my new theme song
by Sheryl Crow
"A Change Will Do You Good"
(Better yet the chorus is how I've been feeling!)



Lyrics:
Ten years living in a paperbag
Feedback baby, he's a flipped out cat
He's a platinum canary, drinkin' falstaff beer
Mercedes rule, and a rented lear
Bottom feeder insincere
Prophet lo-fi pioneer
Sell the house and go to school
Get a young girlfriend, daddy's jewel

A change would do you good
A change would do you good

God's little gift is on the rag
Poster girl posing in a fashion mag
Canine, feline, jekyll and hyde
Wear your fake fur on the inside
Queen of south beach, aging blues
Dinner's at six, wear your cement shoes
I thought you were singing your heart out to me
Your lips were syncing and now i see

A change would do you good
A change would do you good

Chasing dragons with plastic swords
Jack off jimmy, everybody wants more
Scully and angel on the kitchen floor
And i'm calling buddy on the ouija board
I've been thinking 'bout catching a train
Leave my phone machine by the radar range
Hello it's me, i'm not at home
If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone

A change would do you good
A change would do you good

Hello, it's me, i'm not at home
If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone

A change would do you good
A change would do you good