I get up this morning and put on
my underwear that have stars on them.
I say to myself that this day
is going to be a 'star' day or
a really good day.
You see, I only had to work
a 1/2 day today since my office
is open this Saturday
for our monthly Saturday clinic.
The weather is nice out. 75 degrees.
I think to myself, once I get off
work I will really enjoy my
afternoon. Once I made it thru
my duties at work (duties I
didn't ever think I would
finish since we were a bit busy
this morning with 3 doctors
seeing patients). But once
free, I headed out into the
sunshine. I grabbed some lunch.
Sat in my car, eating it, listening
to some local talk show on am radio.
Then I went to Pet Smart to get
my newewt little pug, Elwood,
a harness and leash. I can't go
in a pet store with out looking
at all the cute stuff. So I come
out with pet cleaner stuff that
smells like juicy apple, two tennis
balls (which within a couple hours
they have tore up and I'm taking
them back!!!!!) A new
red harness and leash for Elwood
and a new black leash for Jake
(since I don't like the leash
I already have which is one
of those leashes that is retractable
It just seems so bulky in my
hand and for some reason the
bulk thing at the end of the leash
scares Jake. I dunno why.
And new skid proof dog bowls.
I hate the bowls I use know
becuz the dogs are constantly
scooting them around the floor
as they try to eat from them.
Anyway, I get in my car. The
sky is full of clouds. It looks
like it's gonna rain. I new the
forecast said scattered showers but
I was hoping no showers on my
afternoon. So there went the idea
of sitting in my beach chair, in
my back yard and reading in the
sunshine AND my husband took off
work early to golf today.
Looks like golfing would have
to end early.
I get home, pull in my driveway.
I pick up my bag from my lunch and
some other bits of trash floating
around my car. I get out of my
car and throw the trash away.
I reach into my pocket looking
for my keys but they are not
there.
UH-OH.
I go to my car and there
they sit on the passenger side
seat next to my purse and bag
of Pet Smart stuff, next to
my car cup holder with my
nice cold coca-cola.
My car is locked.
Out of habit, when I had
exited the car, I had hit
the lock on the door.
CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
or better yet
@^%!*(*&^)@^%?&$(*&!!!^!@#^&%
I must mention here that I
don't do this type of thing.
I do not loose my keys
or lock them in my car.
This has happened since
1995??????????
Okay.
So, first thing I do
is go look at all the windows
of the house to see if
by some chance any of them are
unlocked. Maybe I could crawl
thru. Nope. All locked.
That's me----Miss Safety.
I have no cell phone
becuz it is locked inside
the house charging.
Man!!!!!! I feel like
a cigarette. But no.
They are locked inside
the car in my purse.
So, I see my neighbor,
who I don't know and have
never met, is home. Their
front door is open a bit.
So I go over a tap on
the door so I can use
their phone. I meet this
really nice guy.
His girlfriend or wife is not
home and goes and gets me his
cell phone to use.
I'm thinking to myself,
why did I eat onions on
my burger today? I bet
I reek!!!!!!!
I call my husband on his
cell. He doesn't answer.
I call him 4 times.
He probably didn't bring
his cell phone out on the
golf course. Or is
he not anwering becuz
he doesn't know the number
I am calling from?
I call his brothers.
Maybe they are golfing with
him. No answer.
I think to myself,
who has a key to our home?
My husband's friend who is
in a nearby town working.
My dad.
It's 2:45 p.m.
So much for a relaxing
afternoon.
!#%^!&%^#%$(&&@#%^&@'
Now I know my husband's friend
doesn't get home till 4-4:15 p.m.
So I call my dad who just happens
to be working in town.
(He's a 70 yr old retired Mr. Fix it---
if you call that retired!!!)
I call him and he doesn't know
if our house key is on his
key ring but he will come over
in about an hour.
AN HOUR?????????
Ug.
So, I thank the nice neighbor
guy. Compliment him on his
cell phone screen saver,
(It's a picture of him
giving the middle finger!!!)
and go over to sit on my
front porch and twiddle
my thumbs.
So I'm sitting there
and then it starts to
rain. Thunder. Wind picks
up and not too long after
that I hear Mr. Nice
Neighbor talking on his front
porch on his cell phone.
I look over at him.
He waves to me to come
here (He must have forgot
my name). So I do.
It's one of my husband's
brothers returning the call.
The brother is golfing with
my husband. YAY!!!!!!!!
For some reason he hangs
up. I call him back. He puts
husband on phone. Due to rain
they are finishing the hole
they are on and he will be home.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!
I call dad back and tell him
not to come.
I thank Mr. Nice Neighbor
again (and by the way, I do
remember his name, Brent)
and I go back thru the
pouring rain to my front porch
to wait.
Rain subsides. I see a
newspaper in a bag laying in
my front yard.
Reading material.
This was a paper that
our local newspaper gave
away free, I guess to try
to get more subscribers.
It's yesterday's addition
but who cares. I can read
and pass the time.
So, you want to know the
lesson of this story?????
My star underwear do not work!!!!!!!!