**Funerals........what you can you say other than just sad. I was doing okay and then some song was played by Vince Gill and the hairs of my arms stood up. I don't listen to alot of country music (that's right, I don't really and I leave in KY, the south). I do love Vince Gill's voice. I happen to own one of his CD's. Well, the tears welled up in my eyes and of course, I had changed purses and had no tissue. I used the inside of my blouse.
And thank goodness for waterproof mascara! Seeing her children, her husband, her sister, and her parents. That just killed me. I can't stand to see someone suffer. I feel so helpless. All I can do is put is my arms around them and let them know I care. Not just today, when everything is so fresh but all the days to come when things somewhat start to settle.
I think people forget about things as time starts to pass. I think then is when you are needed the most.
Call me crazy but the cemetary was beautiful. I have always thought cemetaries were so peaceful. I don't mind being at the cemetary. Afterall, it's not the dead you have to worry about, it's the living. The service at the grave yard was short. I went up and put my hand on her silver coffin and told her that I was going to be here for her children. I took a pink carnation off the casket so I can dry and press it.
Two words: HEART WRENCHING.
She is at peace. God love her. God love and comfort the aching hearts of all those who miss her so much.

**On a positive note, it looks as though, I'm finally going to be getting that beach vacation I so badly wanted and needed. Looks as tho that in just a couple of weeks, me and my hubby are gonna go to Myrtle Beach for a week!
YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Funny story. My dad bought me the cutest ceramic froggie. It has some sensor in it that when you walk by it, it croaks. Well, it's the cutest thing and my puppy is freaked out by it. When he walks by it, he sets it off and then he starts barking at it. LOL. What a sight!

*Finally got some fresh, home grown tomatoes!!!!!!! Compliments of my dad. Also, my husband bought some fresh sweet corn. Gonna have a good ole dinner tonight.

*Back to work tomorrow. Only have to work 4 days. Big smile. Gettin' my hair done tomorrow. Trim, highlight and the too-much-fun eyebrow wax (yes, I'm being sarcastic). My hair is growing out from being very short. As in spiky short. Or punk rocker short. So I enjoy my trims to shape it up. I enjoy my highlights to cover the gray that I have. Not alot of gray but I don't like having these gray wiry hairs at 35!

*To end my post, question for ya'll:
If you were a rapper, what would your rapper stage name be??????

***********************BLESSINGS!!!!*****************************

Where have I been? I seem to have been a busy little bee. I don't know why I haven't blogged because of all people, I'm really good at
finding time.
So here are some updates:
*Still don't know the results of the autopsy for my friend.
We went to visitations Sunday night. Closed casket. The funeral home asked the family to not view her. That says alot. Funeral is tomorrow. I hate to say I'm dreading it, but I am. Funerals are so hard. I HATE to see people hurting and suffering. I took off work tomorrow. What a crappy reason to take off work. Thanx for keeping my friend and her family in your prayers; in your thoughts.
*Regarding my handwriting job. As some of you may remember I had to
drop my handwriting stuff off on Tuesday. Well, I was so afraid that they would not find my work good enough since in the orientation they were so unbelievably picky. Well, I was wrong. They freaked out when they saw my finished work. Freaked out as in a good way. I happened to know one of the ladies that runs the company (went to college with her) and she asked me how I like doing the writing and I replied very quickly,
"Hated it." She asked if I wanted to do another job and I couldn't stop myself but I immediately said the first thing that came to mind,
"Hell no!" and then I laughed. But I meant it. So far I have had no calls form the company to come back and fix any errors. So I guess I passed with flying colors and I was so hard on myself!!!!!!!!!!
*Very proud of myself right now. I figured out ALOT here in blog land on how to beautify my blog. Can you see the changes I have made in a week's time?????
*Happy Monday, ya'll!

My mind is just consumed with thoughts about my dearly departed friend and those she left behind. Everytime I try to busy myself with my work and just living, my mind always wonders right back to her.
My question of the day:
When you go to work, how do you leave it at the door? How do you leave your problems, emotions at the door? How do you put your self in check?
I have yet to figure that one out. That has always been so difficult for me.
I keep thinking of her children. There are three. I didn't mention the oldest son who wasn't with them on vacation (He was watching their home and cat). I keep thinking how I, too, lost my mother. However, I have no memory of her. They do. She was such a huge part of their life.
What I thought was so cool about my friend was how she talked to her
kids...she talked to them, not down to them. So loving and understanding. She was so giving. I remember the last time I saw her, she brought her youngest daughter by because her youngest daughter had a little surprise for me....a little stuffed froggy that she has won at the fair that my church has every year. I also remember a time that she and her daughter surprised me with this froggy bracelet. They came over to the house one day after I got off work and gave me this sweet little bracelet. She did things like that. Just last night I went rumaging thru my jewelry armoire lookin' for that bracelet and the sweet little note that she and her daughter wrote. I also found the last Christmas card she sent. I just wanted to run my fingers over what she had wrote as though it would bring me closer to her. It's amazing how when someone is no longer here how you try to remember every moment you had with that person.
Just before they left for vacation she was cleaning out her fridge and gave my husband some food that she thought would perish before they got home. She gave us eggs, two packages of cherry cresent rolls, cheese ball, and some garlic parmesan crackers. If my husband was over at their house she would always feed him, or send food home with him. I can even remember her, out of the blue, bringing over some strawberry shortcakes for us. I'm sure I still have some of her dishes.
My heart just hurts right now. I do believe she is at peace and she isn't
hurting or isn't sick anymore. She had gained alot of weight since she had been put on steriods off and on over the years. I see her right now being that skinny chick that she wanted to be again.
My heart just breaks for those children and so badly I wish I could take away their pain, their loss.
I went and seen them tonight. Took them some candy. You know the cool candy like: pop rocks, glow and the dark suckers, gummy worms with tongs that light up when you pick up a gummy worm. I'm a bad aunt like that. LOL. They seemed to be doing good considering. But it has all just begun. I know the reality of it all has not set in. I hope they will let me and my husband be their for them. I ask again my wonderful, caring, blogger friends to keep them in your prayers. Prayers work wonders.
I thank you for all your kind comments. You all are sooooooo kind!!!!!!!!!!

I got up today and checked a few blogs. On KJ's blog I wrote "Happy Tuesday....I hope."
Guess what? It hasn't been a Happy Tuesday. It has been quite sad. I guess you could say
that I am in shock. One of my friends passed away yesterday. She, her husband and two kids
were on vacation at a beach, in another state, as they do every year. My friend is only in her
early 40's. 40-41. She has had bad health-as in asthma for sometime. According to what
I have heard, she said she wasn't feeling well yesterday and went to lay down. Her husband
was in another room at their rented condo playing cards with the kids (ages 8 and 12).
Her husband went to check on her and felt that she was cold. That's it...just like that....she
was gone. The husband and the kids are driving back to KY right now. They are doing an autopsy back where they were and then flying the body back home.
People!!!!! I am so in shock! I feel so bad for these kids, her husband. I can't imagine the shock and sadness they are feeling right now. There whole world has been knocked upside down and
things will never be the same. So now I'm asking for your prayers for this family. They are going to need God's comfort. This husband happens to be my husband's best friend. They are like brothers. The kids call me and my husband "aunt and uncle". I am so scattered right now.
Again, I just can't believe she's gone. I just can't imagine them all in their car, driving 12 long hours with out their mom; without his wife. Shock....that's all I feel.

Okay so it's 11:37 p.m. EST and I'm done. This has been the first time today I have actually had time to blog (what would blog world do without a post from me? LOL). If you read my blog post for Saturday, 7/22/06 "To write right", you know what I'm talking about. I'm done with my handwriting crap!! And that's what it is-- a bunch of crap! You know when you see cartoons and the character does something stupid and their face turns into a donkey or better yet a jack ass? Well, that's how I feel right now for takin' on this project. Remember I had 250 pieces to complete? Well, I got done 246. Due to the fact that I am human and do make mistakes, I ran out of materials. I can't wait to drop off all these freakin' envelopes. I can't wait to have them out of my sight. I'm still debating on when I go in there tomorrow if I will even finish the 4 that I lack. I just know they are going to find some errors and so many faults with my work. I think it is a scam. Of course, I will let you know how it goes and if I even see a $1 from all the this. Oh yeah...I got my ace bandage all ready to wrap around my wrist before I go in tomorrow to drop off my work.....just incase!!!!

Well, it's Saturday and not much stirring here in blogland. It seems pretty desolate here. Wait a minute......what's that comotion? Ahhhh nothing, just a tumbleweed blowin' by. Wonder why alot don't post on the weekend? Is it that they are too busy with their lives? Or maybe they don't have a computer at home? Or maybe bloggin' at work is just more fun?
Who knows.......but here I am, as usual.
So let me talk about a little something I got myself into.
First off, I like to write. I like the physical act of taking a pen or pencil in my hand and writing. I am the kind of person who doesn't mind filling out paperwork. I pride myself on my good handwriting. Cursive or print. It really takes alot for my hand to get tired and cramp up.
So what did I do? Well, I saw where they were needing handwriters here in the big town in which I live. I go in, do a sample and wait for them to call me to tell me if they are interested in me doing some handwritten things for their company. Example, let's say some charity is soliciting their past patrons for extra dollars. Wouldn't it be nicer to send them some note with a handwritten envelope and inside on the form written note card, there just happens to be a small handwritten note on the bottom? Makes it more personal. Makes it look like the charity went the extra mile and handwrote a little something instead of some photocopy with their name stuck in. This company that I applied to does this kinda thing for charities and such. I thought why not supplement my income with something I could do from home in my spare time? Why not supplement my income with a few extra bucks doing something I like?
Guess what? I didn't hear from the company. I was shocked. There is not much that I feel really confident about but my handwriting was one and now I didn't get a call back. What the crap? How could this be?
So my ego was humbled and I didn't think much more about it once I got over the intial shock. Then a couple of weeks ago I get a call and it was that company saying that somehow I was a "glitch" in their system and that is why they hadn't called me. Would I still be interested? Well, of course, why not. Sooooooooo, off I go, from my current job to that job (thank goodness I had overtime to use to go this first time and only time orientation)(they only had times availabe for this orientation during my normal working hours!!). I had to go in and complete two samples. First job was to do 250 envelopes. That means address 250 envelopes. That means that each envelope got a note card from that particular charity and in each note card you must write in the persons name at the top (the note card start off with Dear Friend and I must cross out the friend and enter the persons name) and then at the bottom write a quick note and then stuff the envelopes correctly with the note card and the stamped self addressed, smaller envelope which was for the donation. Sounds easy enough, right? WRONG! First off, you have to be so careful with your writing. If you make the loop or the bottoms of your "y" or "g" too long, you can't have them touching another word in another line. You got to make sure you don't put in periods or commas where they shouldn't be. You see we go off of the smaller donation envelope to get our name and addresses. So it the envelope
says: Mr Doe at the top, you can't enter Mr. Doe (see that period I slipped in) or PO Box 123. Can't write P.O. Box. Can't periods after Dr or St or Ave. Now at the bottom of the note card you had to write this little note and you had to write it at a slant and you couldn't go above a certain point and you had to make sure it was spaced correctly across the bottom of the note card. I could not believe how particular they were being!!! I felt I was changing my beautiful handwriting to fit space! So now here comes the best part? On this particular job it is only 250 pieces (ONLY 250!!!! Like that is a piece of cake or something!?) Must jobs are 500. They start you off with 250. I only get 15 cents per piece.(some jobs are higher like maybe 25 cents) So that means I make right under $40 tax free (will get 1099 at the beginning of next year!) Also, everynight I must call in my name, job number and how many pieces I have done OR I will be fined $5 (which will be taken off my pay)!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Starting this past Friday, I have 4 days to get this done. Must be turned in completed by Tuesday, by the latest, 4 p.m.
Okay, so call me dumba**, I'm up for the challenge. So I have many to go and it wouldn't be so bad if they weren't so freakin' particular. I know there needs to be some regulations set, but I think it's petty, borderline anal. You would not believe how many tries it took me on Friday to get two samples to pass!!!!!!!!!!!! Yet, I did pass and yet here I sit, takin' a break at the moment, with a whole bunch of envelopes to complete.
Now when I go to turn my job in on Tuesday, they will take out two
random envelopes and check them. If something is wrong, I have to fix them since they want the handwriting to match (which is really stupid if it's only a comma or something minor like that). I'm tellin' ya now, I'm gonna do this and I don't think that I will do it again. Infact, I keep thinking how in the world do they get people to write out these things and do it as perfect as they are wanting?????? What if they find all these stupid little error with my envelopes and do they expect me to do over all 250??? Isn't that a waste of alot of paper, ink, energy, precious time, money???? So wish me luck and no writers cramp!! If they tell me to fix my anything, I have a feelin' after how hard I'm trying, workin' and stressin' (workin' for nothin', I might add!!!!) I might tell'em, I'm sorry but I can't fix them, this is the best I can do and by then I'm sure I can fake that my wrist is broken! LOL

For your Friday's Feast visit www.fridaysfeast.blogspot.com
APPETIZER
Fill in the blanks: I ____________ when I _____________.
I car dance when I am driving!
SOUP
Name something you use to make your home smell good.
Pine-Sol
SALAD
If you could receive a coupon in the mail for 50% off any product, what would you want it to be for?
Books!
MAIN COURSE
Besides sleeping, what do you spend the majority of the hours of your typical day doing?
Stressin'!
DESSERT
What can you hear right now while answering these questions?
My puppy chewing on his raw-hide bone

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on this great big stage.
I am the main act. The center of attention.
All the bright, hot lights are shining upon me.
Almost like being in an interogation room at the police station.
The audience is fixed upon me as I do my song, dance and act.
I start to perspire from the bright lights and my uneasiness.
And sometimes when I stand on this stage alone, I feel like such
a bad actor. My act is a farce. I feel like a fraud. Who am I
kidding? Cant the audience see right through me?
Sometimes when I'm on this stage I just wish one of those
great big hooks would come out from stage right (you remember
the Gong show, right?) and hook
me right off the stage; pull me from their stares.
I don't want to act anymore.
Yet I can't seem to get off the stage.

From the wonderful blogger caronfire another tag......
Have you ever.....
Gotten stuck in an elevator? Yes, twice. At my office I have been stuck in both elevators in our building. I work on the fifth floor and I'm sorry but takin' the stairs really sucks. In 7 years I got stuck in each elevator (there are two) one time each. Once I had to crawl out between floors and the other it was bouncing and bouncing and I was stuck for about 20 minutes. It was scary but I survived. I was the only one in the elevators each time and the little phone in the elevator directed me to the people who USE to care for the elevators. I MADE them find who the owners were! Eventually some how the elevator dislodged itself. And I still use those elevators 5 days a week. Brave aren't I?! And just one more reason to always carry your cell phone!
Egged a person? No but I haven't wanted to.
Stalked someone to find out where they work or live? I stalked my first love not to long after we broke up. Just wanted to see what he was doing. And he saw me! Stalked my crazy ex when we broke up to see how fast he would hook up with some chicks after he was bar hoppin. I busted him even tho we were broke up we stupidly always got back together.
Spent an entire day in nothing but your underwear?
All the time. My favorite way to be dressed when at home. I don't have kids. It's just me and my husband. We like to be comfy. I always have a pair of shorts sittin' around should company drop by.
Read some friends mail or other personal papers without them knowing? Yes. I have looked at my husbands mail. I really don't think he cares. Don't feel like I'm snoopin' too much.
Gone skinny dipping? Yes. Love it! Love it! Love it! Can't do it enough!
Been in a fist or cat fight? Yes. And don't mess with me when I really get ticked. It takes quite a bit but look out once I let my cross that line.
I just want to punch, kick, scratch, tear, bite till I taste blood.
Think I have some anger issues??!
Lasts....
Time you tripped? Daily. I'm Miss Graceful. Yes, I'm being sarcastic.
Time you cleaned up the base of your toilet? This past Thursday.
Gum you had? Wrigleys sugarless Watermelon
Pair of socks? White anklets. I wear them with my running shoes. Since I wear scrubs to work, I wear running shoes and I'm not going sockless to stink up my running shoes.
Beverage you had? Pepsi on ice. I usually don't let myself drink dark carmel colored soft drinks since it messes with my bladder for weird freakin' reason.
Spur of the moment decision you made? One hour before, I decided to go to Saturday mass instead of Sunday morning this past weekend. Decided to go out with my friends this past weekend, when my husband spontaneously gave me his credit card. I was planning on sittin' at home. Once out I spur of the moment decided I would go to another bar with them. Again, I was gonna take my butt to the house.
Movie you watched? Walk the Line-I didn't finish it.
What would you.....
Say if your best friend told you they love you. ? (male or female)
Some have said it but it was platonic and I love that becuz I love them too.
Right now.....
What are you wearing? Gray running shorts (no, I don't run despite the running shorts and having running shoes! But I can walk really fast!) and big ole white t-shirt with the some design on it from the 2000 Bluegrass winter games. No bra. Let the girls be free!
What are you thinking? How it's 4 days till Friday and I wish more people would comment on my blog. Lame, huh?
What are you listening to? The TV in the living room blaring, the hum of my computer and my nails tapping on the keys.
What would you like to be listening to? The sounds of the ocean waves crashing on to the shore. The seagulls calling out into the hot summer sea air.
Are you annoyed by the length of this survey? Nope.
Are you tired? Not really. This is what I don't like about myself. Right when I should be winding down to relax and go to bed at a decent hour, I'm wide awake. I also feel that I must take advantage of any free non-work time I have.
How many people in the room? Zero
Any cuts or bruises on your body? I always have a bruise somewhere. Again, I'm Miss Graceful. Plus I have a dog and a cat and they have claws and sharp teeth.
Are there any animals in the room? Nope-doggie is cuddling with my husband on the couch and kitty cat is on his cat tree in bedroom.
Are you eating anything? No. Had dinner about 2 hours ago.
People who I would like to do this? Everybody!! Come on now!

Seems like the only fun that anyone ("anyone" does include me!) can find to have is going out and drinking. Don't get me wrong, as I have mentioned, I do like a good cocktail, I just get so tired of going out to drink. Isn't there anything else that one can do to have fun? It's always the same ole thing-go to this bar, or go to this restaurant and have some drinks. So dull. Yet I do it.
So I find myself torn.
Went out last night, had a few drinks and a salad. Then on to a bar where I proceded to have a couple more drinks. Hung out with fun people. Danced. Cut up. Laughed. I did have fun.
But (here comes the "but") again it always revolves around drinking. Always. It gets so old. Yet I do it. What else would I do? Stay home,watch TV? Stay home, read a book? Stay home, surf the net?
I get so mad at myself for giving in when I really want something else
fun to do. Not much in this town to do. Go shopping, spend money.
Go to the movies. Not much into going to movies. Play a sport. What sport could I play with whom? Everybody usually wants to go out drinking. I don't want to stay home and be a hermit. I don't always want to feel that I got to go out by myself to do something else (whatever something else is?!!!)
And on top of this, I really have been going to church more, getting involved. And yet here I am out at a bar drinking. I'm Catholic. Drinking isn't frowned upon. I'm not out getting hammered. I don't feel that I'm acting inappropriate BUT (here comes the "but" again!), I feel guilty.
I feel that I'm not living my life as I should. I'm not trying to be "holier than thou". I know I'm "allowed" to go out and have fun but I feel that I'm being a little bit of a hyporcrit to what I truly believe.
So again, I'm torn.
I don't want to go out and get this whole new group of friends that want to sit around on a Friday and do a bible study. Or maybe I would. That does sound more entertaining to me right now. I have a strong desire to know more about the bible, scripture, my faith, liturgy, prayer, etc. Okay so I don't want to drop my old friends who are so such wonderful, caring, loving people. I just don't feel that we are on the same page right now.
I don't feel that I'm on the same page with alot of people right now.
I'm torn. I'm torn between what I want, what I think I need and what I'm doing.

Beach Night
Soft sand, deep white
Glittering stars, pale silver
Running on the beach,barefoot
Sound of waves, music of ocean
Soft tides caressing feet
Water gently erasing footprints.
--Eugene Issaus

This week I feel like sharing some inspirational quotes that I have
stumbled upon. So here is another one:

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel like It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

one of my favorites spots to get me thinkin'
http://fridaysfeast.blogspot.com
Appetizer
When was the last time you visited a hospital?
2 weeks ago. I went to the ER to see my bro-n-law since he had a kidney stone. Then the next day I visited him in his room since they kept him over night. I'm not afraid to visit hospitals. I work in the medical field
and my office is right next door to a hospital.
Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how ambitious are you?
I would have to say probably 7. Depending on what I am ambitious about also makes the score fluctuate.
Salad
Make a sentence using the letters of a body part. (Example: (mouth) My other ukelele tings healthily.)
throat-The horse ran on a track.
Main Course
If you were to start a club, what would the subject matter be, and what would you name it?
Well, my club would of course be a night club for dancing & cocktails.
Since I don't live in such a big city like Chicago or LA I would like to
make it is as hip as a nightclub in a big city. I would have latest "in" drink, I would also create drinks and name them after local celebrities or
regulars. I would also like to have a big ole dance floor. At night
I would love to have bubbles fall from the ceiling. Or have glow in the dark body paint that people could purchase to paint one another so they could dance & glow. The name for my club would be Spazzy's for all the spazzs out there.
Dessert
What color is the carpet/flooring in your home?
light beige-very neutral.

"Only trust thyself and another shall not betray thee"-William Penn
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment
if you do not trust enought"-Frank Crane
"What lonliness is more lonely than distrust?"-T.S. Eliot
"It is impossible to go thru life without trust;that is to be imprisoned
in the worst cell of all, oneself"-Graham Greene
Okay so it's obvious that I have a big problem with trust. I want to open up but so much I fear I can't share. I have opened up before and shared private things and it only came back to bite me. I felt I have been betrayed so many times by so many people. So I find myself keeping alot of things inside. When I do let my guard down, I automatically get filled with regret for what have I just done? Have I said too much? Have I shared too much? I hate that regret and guilt. But much worse, I hate feeling I must keeps things to myself that I know need to let out.
I am a pretty open person; so imagine what all I feel I must keep inside!

Ever get a song stuck in your head?
Well, I have one stuck in my head right now. It's a 80's tune.
I was born in 1970 and graduated high school in 1989 so I have alot
of memorable 80's tunes forever imprinted in my brain. When I hear an 80's tune I automatically have flash backs to high school days (or should I say daze?!)On that note,isn't wild the thousands of songs that we actually have memorized?
Okay so here are the lyrics. You remember this song by Dead or Alive:

Problems with old blog $#%@*&^*!!!!!!!
soooooo here is the old blog with new address
One of the topics I'm thinking about rather strongly is
North Korea and their lauching of missles. A little nervous about this!!!!